A Southern Story -Chelsea's Viewpoint-

   Hey, wasn't you just talkin' to Elizabeth over at the sweet tooth booth? What was she telling you about? You should know, before you say anything, she's my sister and I'm betting half of what she said was bullshit. Oh she was talking about how fat she was getting? Oh well yeah, she's kind of a total hog when it comes to supper time. Wait, she said she's a size 16? Well there you go, that's a bold-faced lie! I went shopping with her a few months ago, since she couldn't quite squash her fat ass into her 16's! She's a size 18 now, and by the looks of those jeans, she'll have to move up to a 20 by next month.
   Yeah, just look at her over there, stuffing her face with all them cupcakes. Does she really think no one notices her? Only reason no one calls her on it is out of fear of our mama!  Mama's a big person in the community. Mostly I mean politically, but, well, it's pretty damn obvious where we got our genes from. No one wants to get Mama angry. All she'd have to do is start telling everybody's dirty little secrets. Now y'all up north probably don't get this, but down here, in a town this small, you know everybody's business. Mama just knows more than even the busiest gossips in town. One wrong step towards her family, the next day your reputation's lyin' in the dust. Wait now, what'd Elizabeth tell you about Mama? WHAT? She's tryin' to blame her fat ass on Mama's cooking? What the hell is she thinking? Trust me, if you've ever seen her eating out, you wouldn't think Mama was the one who was makin' her fat! That's completely on her. True, she always ate seconds at Mama's meals, but ALL of us did! Well, she did have thirds a lot more than the rest of us, but it wasn't nothing compared to how she'd eat if you set her down at a restaurant, ESPECIALLY one that had a buffet. You think her belly's kind of popping out right now? That ain't nothing. Try taking her to a Chinese restaurant with a buffet. If she can still walk easy after she's done, that's a LIGHT dinner. On a rough day, you gotta sit there with her for an hour or so, just to let her digest enough to stand, and on the way out, she'll grab a few extra donut holes for the drive home! Wasn't just at Chinese restaurants neither. Fast food places were a favorite, too. Macdonald's, she'd order at LEAST two super-sized value meals with a large milkshake on the side. Pizza hut, she'd order a large pepperoni just for herself to eat. And the list of what she'd pig out on just goes on and on and on. Sure as hell can't cover it all in just this one, ten minute long conversation.
   All that's pretty bad but it ain't even COUNTING what she did at the school's fund raisers! See, this school sells chocolate bars for about two weeks, twice a year, to raise a bit of money. She never actually sold any, though, and night before they had to turn in the money they'd made, she'd come to Mama with the number of bars she'd gone and eaten. Ninth through eleventh grade, that usually just meant about ten, fifteen dollars, no big deal really. Senior year was the year she went and porked out. I think it might possibly have something to do with the fact that Mama had to shell out EIGHTY DOLLARS this time to pay for Elizabeth's candy cravings. Now this is just something I heard, might not be true, but I could believe it- about halfway through the sale in the spring semester, she completely stopped ordering normal, healthy lunches in the cafeteria and just pigged out on that candy she was supposed to be selling. For a whole week. You know, if that's true, and it probably is, it'd definitely explain why that year, Dr. McCurley had to tell her she'd gained thirty five pounds. Oh now what? She only told you twenty-four? Well, that's Elizabeth for you. Liar about everything but especially about her weight. How could you even THINK she was only about 174? Doesn't her fat ass, stretching the hell out of those size 18 jeans, give it away? What about those fat rolls along the sides of her belly? How blind you gotta be to miss those?
  Well, gotta admit there was one thing she didn't lie about. Every girl in our family ends up fat. Look at me! Guess who I am, just off of how Elizabeth was describing us. 'Ats right, I'm Chelsea, kinda obvious with my big ole butt hanging so far out behind me. Really shouldn't have gone with this old skirt, it's definitely gettin' too small for me these days. I mean look at it right now, you can clearly see my cheeks pokin' out the bottom, and I didn't even know it was possible  to get panty lines on a skirt! Used to be my favorite skirt, fit perfectly, but now it's way too short, way too tight and oh my GOD, this zipper is killing me! Yeah, all us Wesson girls end up being really chubby, the only thing is where we store the extra fat and when we start gettin' big. And how fat we get, but it's really not lookin' like there's a limit on that. Elizabeth ain't slowin' down that's for sure. Well, now I think about it, I'm not really either. Like she told you I was still pretty skinny when I turned twenty-three, 129 pounds to be exact, but that didn't last too long. Take a guess right quick, how much you think I'm weighin' these days? Oh really? Well ain't you a sweetheart! Don't flatter me, it's pretty obvious I'm bigger than THAT! Oh honey, I ain't been 150 for MONTHS now. I weigh myself pretty regular to check up on how fat I'm getting and how fast. Last time I was right around 150 was right before Elizabeth's birthday about two months ago. Sure as hell wasn't still that small come the next day. See, you yankees, y'all don't got the slightest clue about how to throw a good and proper party. It ain't all about party games and gettin' wasted, though that's definitely a pretty big part of it. Nah, see, the best part of a party is the food. You got to have a good caterer and a lot of options. First you all have a few drinks to loosen up a bit, then you start diggin' in to that party food like a starving wild animal.
   I tried to resist doin' that at first, thinkin' about how fat I was getting, but you know, it's a hell of a lot harder to limit yourself when you're a little drunk and everyone around you is making pigs outta themselves. Woke up next day with about twenty empty Snickers wrappers next to me. No reason to think they were mine, I got pretty wasted and couldn't remember much of anything, but judging by how fat I was feeling, it was pretty likely I'd eaten all of them. Plus a gallon or two of ice cream. Whole day I just kept thinking I must be something like ten pounds fatter. I was too scared to actually check though. Not that day. I waited 'til the weekend to check on that. Probably a bad idea since I just figured what the hell, I was fatter already, might as well add to that fact. Saturday came up, I couldn't fit into any of my normal clothes, so I had to go shopping. Took Elizabeth too, that was when she moved up to an 18. Bit of a good feeling there, knowin' I'm not the only girl in the family who'd gotten really fat from that party. Then again, it was Elizabeth, and knowing her, she'd probably eaten her whole birthday cake and a few gallons of ice cream. Definitely was looking like it. I myself was moving up to a 16, same size Elizabeth was leaving. Good thing it was at the same time, she'd be okay with givin' me some of her old jeans. She was gettin' some of Emily's old clothes too, so it worked out. Still needed to get some for ourselves though. Me and Elizabeth got completely different fashion styles.  First time we both moved up a size at the same time. See, she's been gaining pretty damn fast. See when she turned eighteen, she was about 150. now, one year later, she's more than thirty pounds bigger. Oh she tried to tell you she'd only added twenty-four? How cute! Naw, she's up to about 187 right now. I been gaining but nothing like that fast. I started about 130 and now, three years later, I'm just now hitting 168. We've gained about the same, but she gained it in a third as much time as I took. Lookin' at her now, it don't look like she's about to get her weight under control any time soon. What is that, her tenth piece of pie? Gotta be more than one whole pie, easy. She's just gonna keep gettin' fatter and fatter 'til she looks like the Michelin Man if he had a fat ass! Lookin' at that gut pouring out over her jeans, I'd say she's already pretty far on her way.
  That's enough about her, though. At my last weigh in I was 168, but I'm not so sure that's still true anymore. Actually, I'm pretty damn sure it ain't It's been about a week since I got weighed last and you know, the school's gone and started up their fundraiser again. I can't hardly resist chocolate on a normal day, let alone when it's an adorable little kid tryin' to sell it! I just can't tell them no, can I? Well, I couldn't anyway. II really needto get past that, though. You can't hardly imagine how much I been eatin'
There ain't no question about it, I been gettin' fatter.  Don't got a clue about how much though. I ain't  helpin' myself bein' here, though. I'm standin' here, talkin' about how much of a pig Elizabeth's bein' over there, but you know, I just couldn't resist Mrs. Barber's brownies earlier this morning. I swear she must put some kind of crack in them things! You eat one, you gotta eat ALL of them. Actually now I think about it, that's true of pretty much everything over there. Have you ever tried one of Mrs. Morris' jelly rolls? It's not what you think, don't worry, its some kind of sweet cake dough, with some flavor of jelly as filling and I swear to you, it is HEAVENLY. Try one! I bought one, but it's already gone. I really got to get all that under control. You heard me! Get your butt over there and buy yourself a jelly roll! Just as long as it ain't the last one, I'm probably gonna be craving one later today. . .